Nature, Civilization and You

After my trip to Arizona, where we spent a lot of time outside and interacted quite a bit with our lovely fellow human freakin' beings as well, I've given a lot of thought to the outdoors vs. the
comforts of civilization. Though I'm basically the outdoor type, I've come to the conclusion that each one has its things to recommend it and its things that are a real pain in the ass. So, I've made a little list, since I'm trying to be more organized these days, and thought I'd share it with you.

OK, the outdoors - on the plus side, natural hot springs, mmm. On the minus side, there will already be a fat, drunk man from Texas in there sipping liquor from a plastic mug telling you 'this is the life'. You will not be so sure.
Civilization: on the plus side, nice hotels with hot tubs. On the minus side, no matter how many times you see it empty, when you go down there hoping to make out with your girlfriend, a fat sober man from Arkansas and his talkative wife will suddenly appear and get in there with you. You will want to drown them.

Civilization: plus side: Indoor bathrooms with flushing toilets. Minus side: a long line of fat women will be waiting outside after you've dragged your ass out of the Grand Canyon and had to pee for two hours. You will want to pee on them.
Outdoors: plus side: no lines. You just pee behind the nearest bush. Minus side: you are peeing outdoors. Also, a fat, huffing student from UA will suddenly show up from around the bend before you get your pants up. You will want to pee on him.

The Outdoors: plus side: Snow is gorgeous. Minus side: snow is cold.
Civilization: Plus side: well done decor is gorgeous. Minus side: you can't eat on it. You will have to sit near squealing children to get a bagel. You will wonder why you quit drinking and reconsider the decision.

The Outdoors: plus side: the last few steps of an ambitious hike give you such a sense of accomplishment, and food never tasted so good. Minus side: your ass will hurt for 6 days from the hills and the sense of accomplishment doesn't last as long as the pain.
Civilization: plus side: elevators. One floor to many floors away with no effort. Truly a great invention. Minus side: You will be stuck in there with a fat drunk man from Texas and a woman wearing enough cologne to choke someone. You will want to choke her, or just have the man from Texas sit on her head. You will get off and take the stairs. You will wish bad things on both of them. They will stay on the elevator and make it smell.

Those are just a few thoughts. I suppose nothing is all good or bad. Except me. I'm all good, baby, and don't you forget it.