Improvident lesbians in the snow

My girlfriend and I went to Arizona over spring break with a tent and lots of plans that didn't work out. I am not a fan of planning anyway. Weathermen are liars who make stuff up to amuse themselves, and anyway, sometimes planned stops are silly as a bowl of mice and unplanned stops are surprisingly cool. It was a very good time overall, and we hiked trails in any number of parks and I didn't have to read one law book, which might have been the best part. I did read a Jeanette Winterson novel on the plane out there and cried three times, which the weird guy next to us tactfully ignored. But then, he was reading books checked out of a middle school library and I looked over to see him highlighting 'Oiuja board' in an assiduous way. It made me regret giving him gum, because he probably could have used the pressure on his head upon takeoff.
Our last hiking adventure was the fault of snickering weathermen who said it had warmed up at the grand canyon. We drove most of the day to find a foot of snow on the ground and no choice but to set up camp in it. We read in the little park newspaper that the "TOP" of the trail we planned to hike might have some ice on it. Assuming "top" meant like 500 yards, and that 'little' meant 'little', we optimistically hit the trail at dawn with no hiking poles or crampons. If you don't know what crampons are, they are little spikes you strap to your boots in the ice unless you are an idiot. Well, it turns out "top" meant the first two miles, and "a little ice" meant we should have been skating down the damn thing, only I can't skate. Keep in mind this trail is about as steep as attic stairs or the sagging boobs in National Geographic. On a good day, it is not for the faint of heart, or leg, or ass.
After the ice came the mud and enormous puddles. After that came the rocks. We hiked 4+ miles down to Indian Gardens, a truly gorgeous spot where I guess Indians used to grow squash and stuff, but that meant the climb back out was harder than 6 property exams, a weekend with your Baptist mother-in-law and trying to talk sense to Republican all rolled up into one - especially the icy part, where I had to think about Batman to drag my ass out for that last fucking mile. Batman would just wrap his cape around him against the 20 degree wind and trudge on uncomplainingly; I managed to pull my cap over my ears and bitch, but I did get to the top. Some one should shoot me for being so stupid as to take that hike on with no equipment. Someone else will have to; I'm still too tired.