Bush helps out law student

Today in the news: George Bush took time out of his busy nap and reading lesson schedule to call up a despondent law student who had not only missed three days of classes with alcohol poisoning, but had lost the drinking contest that made him so ill. George took a special interest in the student because he, too, was a barely literate, rich, entitled, drunken cokehead from a family who made billions dealing in middle east oil. "Don't take it so hard!" George told the student. "You need practice at everything. I mean, I had to run several companies into the ground before I had the skills to wreck an entire country. Running your car into a ditch is good practice! Look at me - I drove an entire country into a ditch then took over another one and screwed it up too! We just need to work on your skills." Bush then made a personal visit to the student, who was scraping by with a 2.0 average just as George had, and found that the young man had a particular penchant for blowing money. The student, who had spent thousands of dollars in a night on drugs, drink and hookers for his idiot friends. was wowed by finding out that Bush had blown the country's largest surplus in history within a few months of taking office. Bush bought the drinks that night and gave the student tips on beer bongs and how to surround yourself with evil people who can read in order to maximize one's unearned success.