law students and their smells

Today is picture day for the various clubs, so I decided to wear something decent and brush my hair for a change. I have noticed that as students, we're divided into two camps in this respect; half of us deck out like we're lawyers already, and the other half look like we were dressed by a mound of chickens. I tend to belong to the latter group.
Or maybe I look more like I was dressed by my cats. My cats each own one collar, and wear it every day. They also wear the same fur coat everyday and sometimes they smell a little. Like my cats, I will wear the shit out of something. Unlike my cats, I don't lick my coats clean. That just takes too much time.
I have also noticed that the people who dress like we're getting paid for this often seem to be getting attacked by cologne bandits on their way to school every day. I often take the stairs not because I enjoy dragging 40 pounds of books up them eight times a day, but because the fucking elevator stinks. So does the library and all other enclosed areas. Here's a tip, people; if you want some space, just say 'get the hell away from me'; there is no reason to knock down everybody in a ten foot radius with your scented lotion, body spray and perfume. I will buy you some soap, man. You can take a shower in the amount of time it takes to spray yourself down with all that shit and the rest of us will be grateful.
Speaking of perfume, I will be so glad when this vanilla fad is over. I just don't understand why a grown woman would want to go around smelling like an old pastry. "MMM, you remind me of crusty muffins!" Not professional, not sexy, not cool. There are 400 of us in this building and about half of us already smell like the chickens who dressed us, so put the bottle down, chick, before I attack you with chicken-flavored frosting.