Where's the tequila in this ride, and whose ass is this?
I didn't believe most of what my mother told me when I was growing up. At about thirty, I finally conceded to "you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do!" which still rings in my head when I don't want to do something, like go to work on Monday, mop, and be nice to assholes.
This shit, however, I did not see coming. I no longer lose two pounds by walking across the room. In fact, I just dropped off my first of probably many pairs of pants to be let fucking OUT. What the hell? My ass has grown, I go to bed at 11, I don't drink,and I actually caught myself saying "stupid fucking kids" about some teenagers the other day. Really, though, what is the point of a car stereo louder than a jet? Ignorant brats are going to wish they could hear when they're fat and deaf in a nursing home. See what I call them then, and they won't even know it, because they'll be DEAF.
It hit me the other night. There I was, driving down the road coming home at 10 with my girlfriend, whose ring I wear, after dinner with a married couple we're friends with. Suddenly, my 21 year old self appeared in the back seat and asked why I was gong home if there was no party there and where, for god's sake, is the tequila in this ride? And I saw myself through the eyes of me at 21 - mowing the yard, comparing refinance options, telling hot chicks IN MY DREAMS for god's sake that I have a girlfriend and can't go home with them, riding my bike to yoga class, using coupons. What time will do to a person.
So how will old age look? Fat and cranky? Shaking my cane at kids and chasing dogs out of my tomato garden? As long as I'm not in a nursing home, man, I guess it will be OK - cause those places usually smell.
posted by the legal bandit @ 6:45 PM
3 Comments:
So gravity's got such a tremendous hold of you that you now have to wear an enormous size 4? Baby girl, one of Rita Mae Brown's characters said it first and said it best. (I paraphrase) If you are looking for sympathy, it's in the dictionary, right between "shit" and "syphilis."
Your 21-year-old self wasn't living in the way one would live if one hoped to see 30, let alone law school, an amazing girlfriend, home ownership and a crew of cats. Why trust that self or her judgment? (It always pisses me off that the "e" at the end of "judge" gets dropped. Grrrrr.) She probably wanted to listen to music on a system as loud as a jet.
Feeling old? Repeat these words slowly after me, "Keeeeeeeith Riiiiiiiichards." Go ahead; try not to laugh. (The full story is in your birthday post comments.)
I'm glad you don't drink anymore; the world is glad to have every single one of your brain cells!
(Lest it seem that I'm siding too much with your mother, I was nodding and laughing with identification while I read your post.)
I think law schools should be required to tell "returning" students that the process is guaranteed to put 10 lbs on your butt. Sure, you get a better job when you get out - but you'll be spending that new salary on personal trainers and nutritionists.
Watch subject. Bush is forever saying that democracies do not invade other countries and start wars. Well, he did just that. He invaded Iraq, started a war, and killed people. What do you think? Is killing thousands of innocent civilians okay when you are doing a little government makeover?
Our country is in debt until forever, we don't have jobs, and we live in fear. We have invaded a country and been responsible for thousands of deaths.
The more people that the government puts in jails, the safer we are told to think we are. The real terrorists are wherever they are, but they aren't living in a country with bars on the windows. We are.
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