look out - she's back!

Here's the thing about law school: the rest of your life doesn't stop. It seems like you should get some sort of 'get out of events free' pass while you are going through all of this shit and maybe other people do, but I'm still checking the mail and mine isn't here. For example, last semester my dad got in a horrible car wreck, seemed to get out of the woods, went into some crackhead ass nursing home that almost killed him, then when he could put a sentence together again I got pulled into a trial competition with two weeks to prepare, kicked ass, dusted off my books, then totaled my car. I think I may be working off some karma from a previous life. I must have been a real mean fucker.

I'm on a new trial team now and I have to play both plaintiff and defendant. The plaintiff's case sucks. In real life the D.A. would have never gotten an indictment but this is make believe so there you go. I am figuring out more and more things are make believe, though. Grades are how one professor likes your answer on one list of questions answered on one day. I'm taking business associations now and who is liable for what has a lot to do with how well people lie about how involved they are with what. They trade money that exists on paper and are taxed on cash that didn't trade hands. It makes me feel lost, then I go work on my '75 Datsun or scrub the toilet and I feel human again until I go back to class. Is this going to be what my life is going to be like? Should I drop out and go back to cooking? When you burn the soup, it stinks, and you have to start over, and you know it, and there is really something comforting about that, in spite of the fact that, well, you burned the soup.

If only going to class were symbolic because I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that we're back at school. I forgot to go to Tax the other day and I forgot to go to another class last week. Obviously, I'm not really into this right now. I also wish I could symbolically smack some people. It might serve to reduce the size of their overbig heads, or at least shut them up, which would also be OK. In general I find people who are full of themselves kind of funny but sometimes the annoyance takes over, particularly when I am tired and don't want to be whereever I am anyway. That's when I want to say things like "It must be great to be so important! Too bad nobody else cares." and "So, are you going to put that on your gravestone?" or "yawn. oh, I'm sorry, I thought you just wanted to hear yourself talk, I didn't know I was supposed to be involved."

Sigh. Anyway, I'm still alive and bitchin' and at least if you don't care, you can click away and read some other cranky fuck's ramblings. I'm stuck here for another three semesters learning more and more about the unreal. All I've got to say is thank god for television.