Run for your ego! Run!

School starts back tomorrow. I'm as ready as I'm going to be; it's the new students I'm worried about. I helped out with orientation for them the other day and answered questions like "are the tests open book?" No. The book would not help you anyway. What is this legal writing class? It's hazing. Get a crystal ball because they will not tell you what they want. You will be as confused after assignments as before them and will learn almost nothing. Stuff like that. This semester I'm tutoring Contracts, which, frankly, most people get or they don't. I will meet with them one hour per week as a class and hope for the best. For me, not them. I already passed Contracts.

Given that there are thousands of bright eyed fools entering law school this semester, I thought I'd go ahead and give you guys a few pieces of overall advice. Here it goes.

1. Run.
2. Run now.
3. Law school will make you fat and blind. Start looking for coupons for eye exams and join a gym. You will need them both.
4. Think you're smart? Good luck with that. The first day you feel like a complete idiot, remember that I told you so.
5. Don't be an asshole. I'm serious about this. Law school is hard enough without you being a little prick and adding to other people's stress. You are not special. Deal with it.
6. If you don't own a coffee maker, buy one. No one escapes caffeine addiction. You will have a .4 blood coffee level by the end of your first semester, so I also recommend not drinking crap. Spend the couple of bucks and get some decent beans. Do you want your blood to be almost half Food Lion grounds swept off the floor of some dismal factory? Didn't think so.
7. Don't freak out. The first year is designed to scare the shit out of you. People stupider than you have passed. Take a breath and get a grip.
8. This is not your whole life. Don't spend 18 hours a day on it. One day you will wake up looking like hell, fat, lonely, crazy and realize you never learned a thing after 10 p.m. anyway, meaning you didn't make more than a point or two better on any exam than people who went to the movies and got some sleep. I never studied past 10, my girlfriend hasn't left me and I got a tutoring job. What does that tell you? Put the fucking book DOWN.
9. Classes are for everybody in there, they are not your private tutoring session. Learn to shut the fuck up. Quick questions are one thing. If you are talking as much as half the other people combined, once again, shut the fuck up. The other students are not there to pay for your education.
10. Good luck, kid, you're going to need it!