For all the asshole drivers I want to strangle

First of all, why the fuck do people feel the need to tailgate at 80 miles an hour and weave in and out of traffic? Those little brats need a spanking, and I don't mean a fun one. It particularly bothers me when it's an SUV, which handles like shit and is usually driven by some vain, wasteful, entitled idiot with a 2 inch dick who doesn't realize we DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER PLANET TO LIVE ON. Anyway yesterday just such a jackass was all over me and the highway. Since I couldn't strangle him, I decided I'd try to look at things from his perspective. So, here's his story:
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Yesterday I was zipping down I-40 in my Lexus SUV, surrounded by dirty little poor people in lesser vehicles. Though other people were happily moving along at about 75, I am far too important to worry about what other people are doing so I decided to do about 90. What envy I saw when they looked at me, seeing how fast my SUV is, realizing I'm to important to worry about getting 20 miles to the gallon on a good day, or carbon emissions or global warming or traffic laws or state troopers or their safety! How they wished they could waste money and gas and be flashy and go 90 miles an hour and endanger others like me! But they can't because they're little poor people who had to leave on time to get where they're going. All of a sudden, I came up on this silly little Mazda, and lo and behold, this Mazda was only doing 80 in a 65 zone! I figured the driver must not see me and how big and important I am, so I rode up within a couple feet of her bumper so she'd know she was a lesser person in a lesser car and should let me by. You know what happened? She tapped her brakes! That might dissuaade a lesser car driver, but I don't slow down for anyone! I decided she really must not see that I'm in a Lexus and am, besides, too special to be concerned with the other 82 people on the road and continued to ride pretty much in her little poor people trunk. She tapped her brakes again! I actually had to put brakes on! I decided she needed to know how important I am and so did everyone else - I mean, how else will they learn? So I cut around her, across three lanes of traffic, and to make sure this woman got my point, cut back across three lanes of traffic and cut in front of her and hit MY brakes. I do the braking here, bitch! I am super driver and this is MY road! Then I took off at about 95, though I had to weave in and out of traffic because other people in lesser cars just couldn't move fast enough to let me by, though of course they wanted to, because they realize I am entitled to get my way and do whatever I like. Anyway, I sure taught that lady a lesson! I bet she won't get in my way going only 15 miles over the speed limit again!

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hope you enjoyed that. it's just good to look at things from other people's perspective.